Garam yang tawar, asam yang basi ~ That Movie Blogger Fella

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Garam yang tawar, asam yang basi

Senario Asam Garam
My rating:

I had to. I cannot be TMBF, fearless chronicler of local films no matter how bad, if I've never seen a Senario movie. There have now been 9 of 'em since 1999; they're practically a national institution, for better or worse. And I've already missed out on one, and skipped another movie that starred two of the group. So, no more excuses, no more ignorant assumption that they're shitty, time to bite the bullet and go watch the latest one and see for myself exactly how shitty they are.

Okaylah, taklah taik sangat. Tapi busuk jugak.

Adam (Azlee Jaafar) and Asam (Zaibo) are contractors who frequently compete for jobs, as well as the affections of the MILFy Hawa (Julia Hana), whose warong brings all the boys to her yard. (She can teach you, but she'd have to charge.) When a mysterious fire burns the place down, Adam and his partner Tam (Sathiya) are first to help her build a new warong, because Hawa's son Amin (Shafimie Saedon) and her sisters Odah (Nadia Mustafar) and Yan (Adeline Tsen) are sweet on him already. But Asam isn't out of the game yet, and he and his assistant Garam (Mazlan Pet Pet) have some no good to get up to.

Now, perhaps I'm not getting the full Senario experience here, since this particular go-around is missing one-third of the usual Senario crew; Wahid is not in this. So we have Zaibo to fill in for him, and from what I can see he fits right in. Apa yang ko expect dari filem Senario, semua ada - Azlee and Lan Pet Pet asyik buat muka sewel, the rest of the cast berlakon over-the-top gilebabi, dan setakat itulah komedi dalam filem ini. Lawak yang hanya dianggap kelakar oleh budak berumur 7 tahun, atau orang dewasa yang otaknya terencat pada tahap umur 7 tahun. (And by the way, I was right - this is the exact same kind of thing that fans of Phua Chu Kang enjoy.) Tapi sekurang-kurangnya, filem ni ada jalan cerita, sepertimana yang di-intended-kan oleh penulis-pengarahnya Profesor Hatta Azad Khan.

Sebenarnya artikel kat link tu buat aku ketawa. Kalau adanya jalan cerita ialah sesuatu yang baru untuk filem Senario, jadi filem-filem Senario yang sebelum ni memang tak ada jalan cerita? Plotnya cuma "kumpulan Senario berada di suatu tempat dan buat lawak sukati diorang"? I haven't watched them so I wouldn't know, but I guess so lah kan? Takpe, takpe; kita reviu filem ni, bukan filem-filem tu. And I suppose it's a good thing that there's an actual plot, and that Azlee and Lan play actual characters instead of just dua ahli kumpulan Senario yang hilang sorang. Even then, it's pretty clear that the plot is way too slight to fill its 83-minute running time.

There's a bit early on in which Asam sends Garam to make an offer to Hawa to rebuild her warong - and next thing we see, Odah and Yan are chasing after him with penyapu dan rotan. Now, see what I did there? I made it sound like a Gilligan Cut. Wahai Tuan Pengarah Profesor Hatta, ko reti tak abende tu Gilligan Cut? It's one of the most basic filmic comedy gags, and if done well it's always funny. You missed a prime opportunity there to do a Gilligan Cut, and frankly, I know why - it's because that gag depends on economy of storytelling and snappy comic timing. And you can't have that, because cerita ko tu tak cukup untuk penuhkan masa. Ko kena tariiiik panjang-panjang, sampai jaguh Cabaran TariKing F&N pun kalah ngan ko.

So yes, it's very very slow-moving. Whatever jokes that aren't completely bangang betul are ruined by being dragged out long past the point where they could ever be funny. And I can think of at least one scene the movie should've had but didn't. Kenapa Adam dan Asam tak pernah bertemu sehingga ending? In any movie where the hero and villain are rivals, there should be a scene that sets up this rivalry; this scene will then establish how dastardly the villain is, and how awesome the hero is. (Alternatively, it shows the hero losing to the villain, but in such a way that we sympathise with and root for him.) Ini takde. Ntah nape. Frankly, other than that Zaibo overacts his kejahatan, I'm not even sure why we're supposed to root for Adam, or why Hawa's family likes him so much. Ini panggil Designated Hero.

Random thoughts: Julia Hana is a perfectly pleasant-looking lady, but adeke dia hawt sangat? Aku lebih rela nak renung Adeline Tsen yang jauh lagi kiut. For a family whose sole livelihood is a single warong, Hawa and Co. sure live in a damn fine kampung house. Oh, and I thought it's nice that little Amin is this electronics whiz kid, whose talents are even put to use in the movie's climax. I may be grasping at straws, but watak yang cerdik dan pandai memang jarang dalam filem Melayu. And Shafimie Saedon has a bright future ahead of him; tak bolehlah nak kata lakonan dia bagus, but he was comfortable in his role, which is promising for a child actor. Tapi in the end, ini sebuah filem Senario, yang formulanya tak ubah-ubah selama 14 tahun. Berapa lama nak sebat kuda yang dah mati ni? Korang dah basi dah. Dah busuk dah. Dah reput sampai jadi gas asli dah.

Expectations: Fan Bingbing *drool*


fadz said...

"Berapa lama nak sebat kuda yang dah mati ni?"

holy molly! dat line is soo nice!!

a clap for u!

TMBF said...

@fadz: Would just "kuda mati" sound better? Or maybe even "bangkai kuda"? I wasn't sure. :D

Anonymous said...

TMBF walks into a gerai & takes a seat. A Waiter approaches.

Ape best kat sini?

Semua bes bang. Mee goreng, nasi goreng, kue teow goreng, ayam goreng, ikan goreng, mee sup, bee hun sup, sup ekor, sup ayam, sup torpedo..

(cutting him off)
Foie gras ada?

(Huh?) Takde bang

(dengan bangganye) Russian or Iranian caviar?

(huh?) Takde bang.

(dissaponted) C'mon.. Tiramisu?

Tiramisu? Tiram? Seafood ke? Takde la bang. Cuba abang try kat kedai sane tu. Mungkin citarasa abang ada kat sane. Kami gerai kecik aje. Maaf ya bang.

Nama aje kedai makan tapi semua takde. Tak reti bukak buku recipe ke? Macam mane nak maju? Bodoh! Giligan's Cut pun tak tau. Designated Hero pun tak reti. You're all bunch of f*ckin idiots!

TMBF storms out of the gerai, leaving the shell shocked waiter standing in his place)

The gerai owner who has been watching the whole drama, approaches & consoles the poor waiter.

Nak makan, makanan yg takde kat dalam menu aku. Yang pelik, napa dia nak mai gak gerai aku? Napa marah, terkejut & kecewa plak bila benda yg nak makan takde? Siape yang bodoh sebenarnye nie?

(under his breath)
*Less taught son of a whore*.

(*Subtitles : Anak sundal kurang ajar)

TMBF said...

@Anonymous: Bravo! Very well-thought and well-written. Kan bagus kalo all my hate mail macam ni. :D

But, of course, wrong. The Gilligan Cut is not to comedy what foie gras is to food, as you ought to be aware if you even knew what it was. I doubt you do, because you obviously didn't click on those TVTropes links - because apa, ko dah pandai sangat? Takyah nak timba ilmu baru, walaupun ilmu ada di hujung jari? Ingat kalo ilmu tu dari omputih, takyah nak belajar? Sebab orang M'sia hanya perlu ikut orang M'sia, sebab segala benda M'sia dah perfect dan tak boleh di-improve-kan? XD

Sup torpedo memang sedap. Senario Asam Garam memang sucks.

Anonymous said...

Senario Asam Garam adalah sebuah filem jamban. Jamban yang penuh dengan tahi yang tak dapat di flush. There was never a doubt there la mongloid.

In case you missed my point, too bad.
I knew beforehand that irony would be lost on the stupid.

"Satire is a sort of glass, wherein beholders do generally discover everybody's face but their own"--Jonathan Swift

Btw I love cicah foie gras dengan budu. It just brings out that buttery liver after taste :)

Anonymous said...

komen dalam bentuk katabual tu mesti dari UiTM. deme memang pandai nulis sekerip. wa ni conteng sikit-sikit bolehlah.

The Poyo Me said...

wait--you gave them TWO STARS?
either malay movie are getting better, or you are getting more generous.

one more movie to go on my list of "movies should watch when my little niece tags along to the mall."

Pure Raver said...

The only worthy Senario movie: Lagi-Lagi Senario. Serious. yang lain, Sampah.


TMBF said...

@Anonymous: Well, your point wasn't made very clearly. You compared the movie to sup torpedo earlier, and now you're calling it filem jamban. What do you have against sup torpedo? :D

Nah, I think I understand you just fine. You're an apologist for Malay films and how bad they are. You wrote off Senario Asam Garam without even watching it, and now you're condemning my criticism of it - why? Because it shouldn't be criticised? Because Malaysian audiences deserve no better? Because it's perfectly fine with you that our film industry keeps making filem jamban?

@Anonymous yang satu lagi tu: Wei, korang kalo nak komen, register laa. Camne aku nak keep track of all of you? Kang aku tutup anonymous comments kang.

@The Poyo Me: Like I said, it's slightly better than I expected. :)

@Pure Raver: You watched them all? You're a braver man than me. :D

Anonymous said...

You suka cakap in film terminology, so the mini script I wrote shouldn't be that hard for you to grasp my point. But I guess it's much easier to just pretend tak faham & buat-buat bodoh kan? Kinda like the Senario movies itself actually. Hmm...

I was midly disapointed when the best you could spew in your replies was the unending humorless reference to soup torpedo. Wait. Maybe you should try writing the next Senario movie. That would be ironic, don't you think?

Btw how do you know I haven't seen Senario Asam Garam? Don't you know assumption is the mother of all f*ck ups?

It's funny when you say I wrote off the Senario Asam Garam, without even watching it, when sebenarnye I think you were talking about yourself.

I present Exhibit A:

"So, no more excuses, no more ignorant assumption that they're shitty, time to bite the bullet and go watch the latest one and see for myself exactly how shitty they are."

Senario Asam Garam,
Wednesday Sep 15th 2010

"Terlajak perahu mujur tak karam,
Terlajak kata buruk padahnya,
Terlajak posting boleh dipadam,
Sesen tak guna orang dah baca,
Kalau asyik suka menggodam,
Kita tanggung la tulisan kita,
buat apa baru nak padam,
Abg TMBF tak ada kemaluan ka?"

MORAL: Jangan lah nak mengajar orang bila diri sendiri pun macam retard :)

Tulakang said...

Wait, dari komen di atas, "Anonymous Sup Torpedo" masih dalam "sarcastic mode" ke?

TMBF said...

@Anonymous: Wait. So you watched it. You thought it was filem jamban. I thought it was crap too. And you're pitching a hissy fit at me because...?

Sigh. How disappointing. You don't have a point to make, you're just another boring troll. One that puts a little more effort to troll in scripts and pantun, but still... all style, no substance.

I wish I could say it's been fun, but naah, it hasn't been much. Your schtick got old fast - as did your skulking behind an anonymous ID. So now you're gonna have to work a little bit harder to troll me.

@Tulakang: I think he's just in permanent "anjing gila" mode.

son of the land said...

Don't feed the troll... especially those that we're not sure where they're aiming at.

I've seen almost all of Senario's movies... on TV. So, I guess I'll just wait for this one next year's raya =)