Hell and back

Drag Me to Hell
My rating:




Yours truly is old enough to remember the golden age of VHS - when video rental stores were everywhere, and a whole new world of (mostly B-grade) movies could be enjoyed in the comfort of one's living room. My dad was and is as much a film aficionado as I am, and back then his favourite genre was horror. And I was a foolhardy kid who just couldn't miss out whenever my dad watched a new video, regardless of whatever movie it was. So I spent many a night huddled behind a sofa cushion next to my dad as we enjoyed such classics as Evil Dead, Nightmare on Elm Street, Hellraiser, and countless other video nasties.

Thanks Dad, for the psychological scars. They haven't healed.

Christine Brown (Alison Lohman) has her eyes on a promotion at the bank where she works as a loan officer, but faces competition from an unctuous co-worker (Reggie Lee). To impress her boss (David Paymer) by "making the hard decisions", she turns down the elderly Mrs. Ganush's (Lorna Raver) plea for a mortgage extension. In revenge, Mrs. Ganush places a gypsy curse on her that subjects her to three days of torment by the demon Lamia, at the end of which she will be literally dragged to hell. And she has only her devoted but skeptical boyfriend Clay (Justin Long) and the mystic Rham Jas (Dileep Rao) to help her.

I admit it - I am a huge, huge chicken. I spent a good third of this movie covering my eyes, finding the best way to position my fingers so as to reveal just enough of the screen to see what's happening, but not too much in case I see something scary. This is an embarrassing thing for a grown man (who calls himself a film critic) to admit, but what's even more shameful to me is that I have always been like this, and somehow I forgot - and blissfully marked this as my next movie to review. That makes two torturous movie-going experiences in a row, in entirely different ways. Blog, how I suffer for thee.

So I'm afraid my rating isn't entirely fair, because I don't think I can be properly objective about this movie. I chose to give it 2-and-a-half stars simply because it's an average score. Sorry, gentle readers. I am the fail.

I can tell you this though: this movie is as much comedy as it is horror. It'll take you a while to realize this, but the scary scenes are so over-the-top in their sheer gross-outery that you may find yourself stifling a laugh. Don't; feel free to let it out. Director Sam Raimi definitely wants you to, which you'll know if you've watched his Evil Dead trilogy. Fans of that series have been hailing this film as his return to that same brand of horror-comedy after "going soft" with the Spider-Man series, and I think they'll be quite satisfied with the scares.

I don't know if they'd be too keen on the plot though, especially a final twist that's so transparent it renders much of the last 20 minutes an exercise in waiting for the other shoe to drop. Also, there's an exorcism scene that really feels like the climax, but isn't - that's some odd pacing there.

There's something of a morality play going on in this story too, in which Christine basically brings the curse on herself by being callous to a poor old lady. Yet I'm not sure if she entirely deserves what happens to her - at one point, she has an opportunity to do something truly heinous, but consciously chooses not to. Maybe this is because of Alison Lohman's performance - she radiates wholesomeness and innocence, and I think a little more edge to the character might've made the story's resolution more satisfying. I certainly felt for Christine, since the movie seems to delight in treating her as its whipping girl. She gets beaten up, thrown around, scared shitless, humiliated in front of her co-workers and her boyfriend's parents, and mud is the least nasty thing she gets covered in.

However, all this is done in good fun - as I mentioned, once you realize that it's going for laughs, you'll get into the movie's vibe. But once again, Lohman is the weak point here. What Christine goes through brings to mind the travails of Ash, the hero of the Evil Dead series, as played by Bruce Campbell - sadly, Lohman is no Campbell. Campbell's gonzo performance is a big part of why Raimi's brand of horror-comedy worked in the Evil Dead movies, but Lohman doesn't go far enough over the top. The scary scenes are meant to be funny, but the vibe is a little harder to get into because of her.

I'm afraid this is the last horror movie I'll be reviewing, at least as a cinema release - although I may catch something on DVD and review it. On the big screen however, I simply cannot handle the scares; I revert to my 8-year-old self again. As much as I've listed the things that didn't work in the movie, I can't judge whether the things that did work outweighed them. This is not up to my usual standards of criticism. So no more horror movies for me, for a while - and this means I won't be watching Jangan Pandang Belakang Congkak. Try not to be too disappointed.

NEXT REVIEW: Fighting
Anticipation level: yeah!

Syurga kepala HOTAK engkau!

Syurga Cinta
My rating:




(Warning: this review contains copious profanity. Apologies for not keeping the blog family-friendly, but believe me, this movie deserves it.)

So the premise of this movie isn't exactly original: hip young dude falls for demure God-fearing chick. It's your basic opposites-attract romance, and how the formula works is that guy and girl find that their differences complement each other. Naturally the dude will learn humility and develop a more spiritual outlook on life, so therefore the chick must also learn to let her hair down, be more spontaneous, and have fun.

Yeah, and pigs'll fly outta my ass and do the Hokey Pokey.

Irham (Awal Ashaari) is this spoiled rich asshole who's such a playa, he makes thousand-ringgit bets with his equally asshole friends on which chicks he can pull. One day he makes a bet to seduce the sweet, virginal, tudung-clad Syuhadah (Heliza), then dump her exactly a month later in front of his dumbass friends just for the lulz. Luckily, she happens to be his 8-year-old brother Ikmal's (Hadziq) schoolteacher, so he ropes in the fucking annoying kid to help him get in her pa--I mean, win her heart. But whaddya know, he starts falling for her for serious reals yo, and along the way he's all like, say, aren't I supposed to be, y'know, Muslim?

Ya Allah, this was the worst movie I've seen in a loooong time. Preachy, heavy-handed, pretentious, misogynistic, filled with horribly on-the-nose dialogue, populated by one-dimensional caricatures played by crap actors, and possessing a truly fucked-up sense of spirituality and morality. Where should I start??

Well, let's tackle the basic spine of the story first. As Irham gets closer to Syuhadah, he begins to realize the emptiness of his hard-partying, womanizing lifestyle, and finds solace in religion. Irham's crisis of faith and conscience is developed in a gradual, believable mannaaaHAHAHAHAAAAHA!! Um, sorry. That was not happy laughter.

And this Syuhadah chick. She is not a person. She has no personality, no interests, no hopes or dreams or ambitions, no distinguishing characteristics other than schoolteacher (nor do we ever see her do any teaching). There isn't a word that escapes her lips that isn't a homily on the importance of remembering Allah. Her relationship with Irham has literally zero impact on her life - after all, the fact that she's nothing more than an idealized model Malay woman and wife means she can't have any meaningful character development. 'Cos then she'd have to change, and she can't change when she's already perfect.

And we have this moronic and hackneyed plot about the guy tackling the girl just to win a bet. So Irham goes ahead with it - he takes her to meet his douchebag friends, tell her the entire past month was all an act, humiliate her and send her off in tears. Fucking why?? What do those two jerkwad friends have over him anyway? We already know he's rich, it can't be because of the money they're betting. He's learning how to sembahyang from her, reading the tafsir al-Quran book that she bought him, listening to ceramah with her, falling in love with her - then he goes ahead and emotionally brutalizes her. Irham may be nowhere close to a realistic character, yet this act of his makes no motherfucking sense given what we've seen of him up to that point.

And then she takes him back. She takes him back. Sure, she's all righteous and pissy with him for a while. But then the movie gives us its final moral lesson for every good Malay Muslim woman - a man can deceive you, manipulate your emotions, publicly humiliate you and break your heart, but if he apologizes really really hard, then it's okay. You should forgive him. You can love him. Heck, why not even marry him!

I have barely even mentioned the kid. The kid is not cute. The kid is not funny. The kid avoids the distinction of being the most annoying character in the movie because Irham's two buddies win that title by a landslide. And then there's Irham and Ikmal's parents, and I gotta say this about them - the movie tries hard to make them look depraved and sinful, what with their drunken nights out and their evil, evil karaoke singing (of Frank Sinatra's My Way, no less. Evil!). But they come across as nothing more than a happy old couple still in love enough to enjoy each other's company. Is it maksiat if they're married?

Awal Ashaari sucks. He's believable as an idle rich douchebag, but no amount of tears and melodramatic sobbing can convince us when it comes time for him to bertaubat and stuff. Heliza is awful. I can count the number of her facial expressions on one hand. Their dialogue may have been atrocious, but I can quite confidently say that their acting truly made the least of it.

That's it. Enough. I'm done with this piece of shit. I want to bleach the 90 minutes I spent watching this movie out of my brain. This is a wretched stain on the Malaysian film industry, a truly worthless waste of celluloid. Fuck you, Syurga Cinta. Fuck you and everyone who helped spawn you.

NEXT REVIEW: Drag Me to Hell
Anticipation level: please redeem my faith in cinema as a valid artform, pleeeeaase

Great character design vs. lame script

Monsters vs. Aliens
My rating:




I was looking forward to this movie at first. The premise sounded like a smart and funny take on 1950s monster movie conventions, and the first released pic of the adorably cute Insectasaurus looking like it's about to eat the Golden Gate Bridge looked... well, adorably cute. Then the reviews started coming in, and the consensus opinion seemed to be that it's nowhere near as smart - or funny - as it looked. So my expectations were considerably lowered as I went to watch this.

Turns out, adorable cuteness goes a long way with me.

On her wedding day, Susan Murphy is hit by a meteorite, and the mysterious substance inside it causes her to grow to giant-size. Now dubbed Ginormica, she is captured by the army and put in the company of other captured monsters - the (literally) brainless B.O.B., the mad scientist Dr. Cockroach, the fish-like Missing Link, and the even bigger and monstrous Insectasaurus. As she mourns for the normal life she left behind, an alien named Gallaxhar makes plans to extract the meteorite's substance from her - and may just decide to invade Earth while he's at it.

I'm kinda ashamed that I liked this movie as much as I did. The other reviews were right; there's so much potential in the sci-fi and monster movie conventions that it touches upon, but all of it is criminally unrealized. The script - the product of five credited screenwriters - is a pretty lazy piece of work. There's also a distinct feeling that the movie has been dumbed down and kiddified - I noticed more than one joke or sight gag that had an extra line tacked on to it to make extra sure that we, y'know, get it. It really feels like there's a much smarter and funnier story trapped somewhere inside this made-for-the-kiddies movie.

So kudos to the animators and designers, who picked up where the writers slacked off. I really liked the character designs; Susan is terrifically brought to life, and dare I say pretty hot for an animated chick. The blob-like B.O.B. made me laugh with nothing more than his idiot grin. Insectasaurus' enormous size only amplifies his tremendous cuteness. Dammit, maybe I'm just a sucker for cute - the other characters such as Link and Dr. Cockroach, or General W.R. Monger and the fatuous President clearly aren't meant to be cute, and I thought they were... adequate. The voice acting generally came through, although with such terrific talent as Hugh Laurie and Stephen Colbert, it's a shame the script didn't give them better lines. (I'd love to see some footage of Kiefer Sutherland in the recording booth though - he sounded like he was having fun.)

The plot is entirely by-the-numbers - alien bad guys are defeated, and in the process Susan finds courage and badassery and learns to accept her new monstrous self - but is executed with competence, if little flair. The same can be said of the action scenes; they get the job done, and are never extraneous, but neither do they ever really raise the pulse.

I wonder if what I'm missing out on is the 3D experience. I really did want to catch this in its 3D format, but just didn't have the opportunity (also, I wear glasses, and I'm not sure how it'll work with that). Maybe I would've enjoyed the movie more if I did. Then again, I did enjoy it - I had a couple good LOLs, and I liked Susan and her monster friends. Even the flat jokes and wasted potential didn't detract from that.

NEXT REVIEW: Syurga Cinta
Anticipation level: bleuurrraaarrggh

You're terminated, franchise

Terminator Salvation
My rating:




The new Terminator movie distinguishes itself in a number of ways. First of all, there's no time travel - it's set in the post-apocalyptic future of 2018, during the human-machine war. Secondly, there's no one unstoppable Terminator - there's a whole army of them, from flying ones to aquatic ones to 'moto-Terminators'. Finally, it's not a chase movie like every previous film in the series - it's essentially a sci-fi war movie. So to be fair, it deserves to be viewed and judged on those terms...

...aaaand it still falls short.

The war between the remnants of humanity and the forces of Skynet are in full swing. John Connor heads his own Techcom unit, but his is only one part of the Resistance. While the Resistance leaders plan to use a signal that acts as an "off switch" for Terminators, a mysterious man named Marcus Wright awakens - after having been executed for murder 15 years prior - and meets up with the young Kyle Reese. But when Reese is captured by Skynet "harvesters", Wright and Connor must join forces to rescue Connor's future father - and Wright will discover the secret of who and what he is.

A little behind-the-scenes info should shed some light on why this movie falls short: Christian Bale was originally cast for the role of Marcus Wright, who was meant to be the main protagonist. But Bale insisted on playing John Connor, and brought in screenwriter Jonathan Nolan (most well known for writing The Dark Knight) to beef up the Connor character. And that right there is the movie's biggest problem - it simply doesn't know who's the main character in this story. Wright seems to have the more compelling character arc, whereas for all the time we spend with Connor he barely has anything to do for much of the film besides look emo and yell a lot. Then again, which genius thought it would be a good idea to make a Terminator movie in which the hero is some unknown guy instead of John Connor??

The trailers have basically spoiled the reveal that Wright is actually a machine himself; that's his arc and the film's theme, his struggle to maintain his humanity in the face of evidence that he is anything but human. I should rather say, the film's attempts at a theme, because Wright's story has clearly been truncated. There are a number of key relationships in this story: Wright and Reese, Wright and kick-ass female pilot Blair Williams, Wright and Connor. The bonds that (are supposed to) form between them drive much of the plot, but none of them are well developed. Williams defies her comrades to free Wright and help him escape after it's been revealed that Wright is a machine... why? Because she feels for him? Nope. Not buying it.

And if that escape isn't the longest scene in the movie, it sure feels like it. It's a decent action scene and all, but it's boring - because by then, you'd already know that Wright and Connor are going to join forces. You'll just be sitting there while things are blowing up on screen, thinking "Stop fighting and get on with the plot already!" It's a prime example of an unnecessary action scene.

What McG and his writers are obviously attempting here is a bold new take on the Terminator mythos, and all due kudos for that; unfortunately, the direction they took is simply misguided. Trying to make Marcus Wright the hero - and John Connor a minor character - was a bad idea from the start. And where they would've taken the story, if this rumoured original ending is to be believed, is such an epic fail you want to smack them for ever getting their hands on the franchise. The ending they settled on isn't much of an improvement - in fact, it's downright lame. There's little humour in this film, but the ending is likely to make you LOL at the sheer cheesiness of it all. (On the other hand, the rumoured ending would've made you throw your popcorn at the screen.)

I wish I could say something good about Christian Bale's performance, but the best I can offer is that he's convincing; the role itself is so underwritten that he never gets to do any actual acting (besides the aforementioned yelling), and so never really wins us over. Sam Worthington has the juicier role in Wright, but he doesn't really impress - he was just kinda wooden most of the time. I was expecting to hate Anton Yelchin's Kyle Reese, but I didn't - he's nowhere near as tough as Michael Biehn, but he's supposed to be a much younger Reese anyway. Moon Bloodgood is solid as Williams; I would've liked to see more of her. Bryce Dallas Howard as Connor's wife Kate had nothing to do, and neither did that cute mute kid besides look cute.

Okay, okay - I gave it the same rating I gave Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines, so the movie isn't all suck. The action scenes kick appropriate ass, and the variety of Terminators display impressive creativity. The post-apocalyptic landscape is quite effectively realized. A digital Arnie makes an appearance towards the end that's downright cool. And it does successfully prove that you don't need time travel and sticking to the unstoppable-bad-guy-chases-good-guys formula to make a Terminator movie. All of this is potential that the film squanders. The story is fatally flawed, and raises questions as to whether the filmmakers even get the franchise at all. It's still an enjoyable movie all in all, especially during the action scenes - but in the end, there's still only 2 Terminator movies, and they were released in 1984 and 1991. Any other is a pretender.

NEXT REVIEW: Monsters vs. Aliens (finally)
Anticipation level: meh

Long terminator memories

So now that there's a fourth entry in the venerable Terminator series, now's as good a time as any to revisit the previous films in the franchise. I made sure to watch all 3 of them before catching the new one, so that I'm poised to judge it as a sequel as well as on its own merits. In any case, here's what I thought of them, what to expect from them, and which ones you should watch if you haven't yet.


The Terminator (1984)
My rating:




Sadly, the originator of the franchise has not aged well. Not only was it made in the '80s - and has a nightclub scene that is soooo '80s - it was made as a low-budget B-grade film, and it shows. There's a rushed, somewhat cheap feel to it that's a far cry from James Cameron's later oeuvre; the action scenes aren't particularly inventive, and the acting feels like Linda Hamilton and Michael Biehn had little time to really get into their roles. And somewhat jarringly, Arnold Schwarzenegger hadn't quite mastered that robotic emotionlessness yet.

But what shines through it all is the relentlessness and laser-sharp focus of the story. A near-indestructible robot wants to kill Sarah Connor, and although he comes from the same future, Kyle Reese seems woefully ill-equipped to protect her. In Reese's words, "it can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are dead." The movie is basically one long chase scene, and every time Sarah seems to have found safety, the Terminator brutally shatters that illusion. A police station full of armed officers doesn't stop it; and later, when Sarah and Kyle think they've found a safe hiding place, it uses a voice-mimicking ability to find them again in one of the film's most chilling scenes.

It's a deceptively simple formula - unstoppable bad guy chases good guys - yet it's terrifically well-executed. It's no surprise that it became a sleeper hit back in 1984, more so when it left the cinema circuit and became a bona fide blockbuster on home video. If you can overlook the dated and low-budget look of the film, you still get a suspenseful and thrilling action movie that at times comes close to horror. It's an early indicator of Cameron's mastery of combining suspense, action, plot, and characters you care about.


Terminator 2: Judgement Day (1991)
My rating:




Ladies and gentlemen, here is a true classic. In 50 years, movie buffs will still be raving about this film and holding it up as a near-flawless example of the action genre. It even has the distinction of being one of the very few film sequels that's better than the original.

James Cameron returned to helm this film fresh from what he learned making Aliens and The Abyss, and he learned all the right lessons. Not only did he have a budget of more than 10 times the first movie, he also brought a wealth of new ideas, new SFX techniques, and a keen sense of how to make a sequel that's true to the original yet takes us in new and unexpected directions. Thus, the villainous T-800 played by Schwarzenegger in the original is now the protector of Sarah Connor and her son John, and the bad guy is the T-1000 played by the far less physically imposing Robert Patrick.

Whoa boy, the T-1000. Gotta be up there amongst the greatest movie villains of all time. Made of "liquid metal", realized with then-pioneering CGI effects, and not only visually spectacular but used in fantastically inventive ways. From the various killing instruments it forms with its hands, to the scene where it literally rises up from the floor, the T-1000 is the epitome of SFX used in service of the story. It's cool, it's scary, and it's even more unstoppable - the T-800 seems as helpless before it as Kyle Reese from the first film.

And still it doesn't go the easy route and stick to the "one long chase scene" structure of the original. Sarah Connor, now a driven, traumatised woman, finds an opportunity to destroy the supercomputer Skynet and prevent the human-machine future war that started the whole thing from ever occuring. But it's her young son John who forms a bond with their robot protector and pulls her back from becoming a conscienceless killing machine herself. The plot is broader, and there's far greater emotional dimension here, competently performed by the actors - Edward Furlong overacts a little, but Linda Hamilton has never been better. There's a scene late in the film when the heroes go to the Cyberdyne offices, and she approaches the night guard with an utterly sweet and friendly smile... right before she whips the gun out. Now that's acting.

I can't say enough good things about this film. And the only bad thing I can think of is that the most commonly found version is the Director's Cut, with 15 minutes of additional footage. The film is slightly better without it - they're mostly character scenes and plot exposition that only slows down the pace a little without adding much. Bottom line, if you haven't seen this yet you are missing out, folks. And if you can watch it and not like it, you need never watch another action movie ever again. The entire genre simply isn't for you.


Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines (2003)
My rating:




Cameron wanted to end Terminator 2 with a coda that definitively ended the series - Judgment Day is averted, mankind is saved, and John and Sarah Connor live to ripe old ages. But producer Mario Kassar saw the possibility of more sequels, and so we have this second one - which Cameron wasn't involved with. And boy, does it show.

The early scene with Arnold and the starry sunglasses is a huge WTF - what possessed director Jonathan Mostow and his screenwriters to parody its beloved predecessor like that, we'll never know. The film largely takes itself seriously after that scene, but the damage was done - Terminator fans always cite this scene as the suckiest thing about this third film. It's not, unfortunately - the suckiest thing about it is that there's so little of the inventiveness and creativity of the first sequel.

Take the Terminatrix; having the new villain be a female Terminator seems like a natural idea, but she simply isn't as cool as the T-1000 - or even the T-800 from the first film. She has a liquid metal exterior, so she can disguise herself; she has built-in energy weapons in her hands; she can infect other machines with viruses and remote control them; and all these merely give the impression that the movie is trying too hard to make her badass. Kristanna Loken tries to inject some wicked cattiness into her performance, but gets few opportunities - she looks mean, and that's all she's good for.

I suspect a lot of cutting was done to the film and the screenplay, especially of John Connor's scenes. There are hints of a character arc for him, a transformation from a loner running away from his destiny to the leader of mankind he will ultimately become. As it is, there's barely any meat to this subplot, and Nick Stahl's milquetoast performance doesn't help - Sarah Connor's boy was never this wussy. Claire Danes doesn't impress either. It's a far more shallow film than its predecessor, and ends up feeling less like a sequel and more like a rehash - even its story beats are almost identical.

Until we get to the ending; and that's where this film earns what little goodwill it has from fans. It's pretty daring, despite being incompatible with the "the future is not set" theme of the first two films. I pretty much hated this film when I first saw it, but I've since relaxed my views. It's an effectively thrilling action movie, and the crane chase scene is still really well done. It suffers only in comparison to its predecessors; one of which, unfortunately for Mostow, is one of the best sequels ever. It may have been unfair to expect this one to be as much better than T2 as T2 was better than The Terminator - but couldn't it at least have been as good as T2? I think it could have and should have been.

-----

Somewhere in an alternate universe, James Cameron came back to the Terminator franchise and made T3 and T4 every bit as good as the first two. But then again, I'm pretty sure that there's also an alternate universe in which not even Cameron could live up to the success of the first two. Such are the perils of making a sequel to not just one, but two really really good movies - they rarely ever live up to expectations. I'll be keeping that in mind when I watch Terminator: Salvation - I'll do my best to give McG a fair go.

Here's to the night we felt alive

Night at the Museum 2: Battle of the Smithsonian
My rating:




I didn't catch the first Night at the Museum. Never struck me as something worth watching. The premise sounded lame - museum exhibits come to life, terrorize Ben Stiller. And then what? What is Stiller supposed to do besides get freaked out by one thing after another? I'm sure the movie itself would answer that question, but I just couldn't be arsed to actually watch it - and I'm still not. Same goes for this sequel - I wouldn't even be watching it if I didn't have this blog to write.

So here's to having low expectations. It does make a movie better... somewhat.

Larry Daley is now a successful businessman and inventor of dubiously useful gadgets. When he visits his former workplace, the Museum of Natural History, for the first time in two years, he learns that the exhibits - his friends - are being packed up and shipped to the Smithsonian archives for storage. Unfortunately, the magical tablet that brings them to life at night went with them, and one of the newly-awakened historical figures there is the Pharaoh Kahmunrah - who has a plan to conquer the world using hitherto-unknown powers of the tablet. As Kahmunrah recruits Ivan the Terrible, Napoleon Bonaparte and Al Capone as his minions, Larry also finds a new ally in Amelia Earhart.

So there's an actual plot in this movie this time - a villain must be stopped, and a Macguffin must be kept from him. But it's really just an excuse to string a bunch of action and comic setpieces together, not all of which work. Most of the ones that do work are the comic ones - and that right there is the biggest problem with this movie. It's ostensibly a family-oriented comedy action-adventure - but the action-adventure part of it is pretty lame.

Here's an example: true to the film's subtitle, it climaxes with a big battle between the forces of good and evil. This should be a rousing action scene, with combatants from all over history duking it out - medieval knights, 1930s gangsters, Mongol warriors - plus a few statues come to life and a giant octopus. But instead, the battle goes on in the background while Larry has a heart-to-heart with a cowardly General Custer. Then he has a Three Stooges-inspired slapstick scene with two monkeys. And all this time there's an action scene going on, but this movie just doesn't seem interested in showing it to us. It really squanders its opportunity to provide us with some thrills to go along with the laughs.

And how about those laughs? Well... I did LOL a couple of times. I thought the few glimpses of Larry's ninja night guard skills were pretty funny. But overall, it's generally quite lazy with it's humour - for a comedy, it never really tries for a good gut-busting guffaw. Some of the living exhibits are quite clever, and good for a giggle, but giggle is all you'll do. If it's not really funny, it needs to be exciting - if it's not exciting, it needs to be really funny. It's just not much of either.

Stiller has to take some of the blame for this. He's dull; he just never seems to get really involved in any of the proceedings. I can't imagine he was like this in the original film - granted, he's less freaked out by living museum exhibits by now, but his wooden expression is a large part of why none of the action scenes work. Amy Adams is a terrific actor, and she breathes life and spunk into Amelia Earhart - but she's also supposed to have a romance with Stiller, who barely seems interested. (Oh, and the denouement of their romance subplot is so hackneyed. Can't believe anyone thinks that sort of thing still works.) Hank Azaria hams it up as the villain, and does an adequate job - he's funny, just never really funny.

On the whole, it's just an unremarkable, unambitious, fitfully entertaining movie. Never as funny as it could have been, not as clever as it could have been, nowhere near as thrilling as it should have been. Only my low expectations kept me from giving this a 2-star rating. But should I not expect more? Is it unfair of me to think a movie like this should be better? I don't think so. Comedies should be funnier, and action-adventures should be more fun - and the family-friendliness should be no excuse to not try hard enough.

NEXT REVIEW: Terminator: Salvation
Anticipation level: let's see if that "low expectations" thing works again

Dammit!

It appears that Monsters vs. Aliens is no longer showing in cinemas in the Klang Valley region.

Fwoar. What happened? I don't think it's been out longer than 2 weeks. Have sales been that bad? And isn't 2 weeks far too short a time to give it a chance?

Anyway, this will be the first time I've had to renege on a promised review. I certainly hope there won't be too many more.

NEXT REVIEW: Night at the Museum 2: Battle of the Smithsonian
Anticipation level: bleh

Update: It appears I was mistaken. Monsters vs. Aliens has actually not opened yet, and will only do so this 28th.

I blame Cinema Online.

In any case, I will dutifully watch it and post my review.